Jaime Loves Stuff : March 2013

Dreams, Goals, and Fears...

Happy Sunday!  

As I posted previously, I am posting as often as I can but with finishing up my last semester (possibly last... we'll see.  I tend to continue on to reach multiple goals...), I need to remain focused.  However, I am procrastinating with three assignments due today and here I am! 

I wanted to touch on dreams, goals and fears.  

I have so many dreams.  I have a ton of goals but they all scare me to death.  I am overwhelmed because I want to do it all! How do I begin? How do I decide? I think about the plethora of obstacles and adversities I have overcome in my life and although I haven't achieved a lot of my goals, I have overcome many other obstacles.  When you take a moment to look back at your life, take a hard look.  I am sure there were times you wanted to curl up in a fetal position and give up but you didn't, right?  Maybe you did give up and you know what? Sometimes, we need to.  There are times when it's okay to give up as long as you aren't giving up on yourself or your dreams! Thursday night, I cried.  I am taking an extra class this semester and I just knew this wasn't a good idea but I figured, I can do this! I cried because I couldn't figure out how to do any of my assignments that were due.  It was terrible! I was spinning my wheels and my anxiety levels sky rocketed.  I raised my hands in the air and said "I GIVE!" and had plans to just quit it all! I thought this was stupid and I had no clue why I was doing this and it won't get me anywhere.  Blah blah blah. Negative Nancy.  I flipped off my computer and put it in hibernate, grabbed the iPad and went to my bed.   I berated myself by calling myself stupid and wasting my time and energy and to embrace being a loser. I threw on Netflix and watched Magnum P.I.  Don't judge.  Tom Selleck was uber hotness.  Those shorts and that 'stache.  Yum. 

I needed sleep.  Badly.  I came back Friday night, tackled the problems and I am not 100% convinced I was correct on them but I finished them.  I needed to complete my assignments and I wasn't going to give up.  I spent as much time rereading the assignment and looking for tutorials.  I think I got it but I am not sure.  My point is.... don't give up.  I had put myself in a bad place mentally which created a snowball effect and I wanted to give up on all of my dreams.   I can't.  I just can't let go of my dreams.  They are too important.  I want to set up a small business (in process) and I also want to create two non profits- One to aid women who want to further themselves in their lives via education, empowerment, or starting a business (among many other things, not limited to those three).  Women who have to overcome obstacles such as having a conviction on their records, single moms, abuse survivors, etc.  I want to be the dream fulfill-er.  I want to help their dreams become reality!  The other non profit I want to create is I want to help out those who are affected by child abuse.  When I was going through everything with Emma, I had no clue what to expect.  I was overwhelmed by the criminal trial and I sat through most of it by myself.  My family would have come but I wanted somebody with me who understood what I was going through.  I wanted somebody who understood it all.  I want to be that resource.  I want to be there with these families.  The court provides a victim's advocate and they are absolutely wonderful, I still keep in touch with ours but it's different with someone who has been there.  I want to help these families navigate the process of court, their new life with a child who is disabled or the loss of a child, the school system, the behaviors... etc.  We lose the friendships we had.  It's not that our friends leave... it's because we change.  We become different people.  Those friends will talk about their children making honor roll while my child is learning to use the restroom at nine.  They mean well when they say you aren't given anything more than you can handle, blah blah blah.  I hate that.  I can BARELY handle it some days.  I want my child back! I love her to pieces just as she is but some days, I feel so ragged.  My friends, who I love to pieces, don't understand this.  My friends who have gone through this, they do.  They understand my insane rants and I understand theirs.  This is why I want to create a network, an army.

Okay.  Rambling complete.

How about a song about never giving up?
Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten:

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

R. Kelly's I Believe I Can Fly

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms
If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it


Game of Thrones Season 3

Watch the trailer.

I have no other words other than I. Can't. Freaking. Wait.

Lovin' Blogs or just BlogLovin'?

You know it...
I've linked my blog with Bloglovin'!  Are you already using it now that google reader is gone? What do you think of the site? Do you find it easier to keep up with the blogs you are following?

Definitely let me know your thoughts in regards to Bloglovin! In the meantime, follow me

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Big Fun Field Day? Ohhh definitely

 Big Fun Field Day.  It's always so much fun to go crazy wild with loud, fun music and best? Special GUESTS! Whoot! Check out who came to Emma's school for Big Fun Field Day!
I know it's blurry but I thought this was so sweet.  Little girl dancing in the bubbles!

It's Baxter from the Diamondbacks! 

Emma's class' theme was the Rowdy Robots! And lemme tell ya... they're rowdy! 

The Phoenix Suns Gorilla came! 

... and he ran off with my child!

She had a BLAST!

Emma and Mrs. Herman, the principal.  


Fun activities!

Emma and her Physical Therapist, Sherry

Gangnam Style with Baxter! 

Arizona Cardinal

Ronald McDonald (or as she calls him, Old McDonald...)


The Good, the Bad, the TBI!

Waiting at the ENT

Happy Sunday!

It's finals this weekend for two of my classes and what am I doing? Blogging, of course! Haha.  I am such a procrastinator when it comes to having to write a paper but that's how I work best.  I need to focus my mind elsewhere and then something will pop up in my head and I'm ready to write.  It's only a five-six page paper. Easy peasy.

Of course, I haven't posted because of school but I'll be off for a week and can hopefully catch up until my last classes begin and then I graduate this May! Whoot.  Then, I'll start on some web design and graphic design classes.  That will be fun!

What's new?
My child has a horrific snore at night.  I mean HORRIBLE.  It wakes me up.  She's been snoring since her brain injury but it's gotten progressively worse.  I finally (I know, I am kicking myself over this) got her in to see an ENT.  I thought maybe she has sinus issues (which she does) but nope, the Dr. said it's a sleep apnea.  My biggest fear was that this is because of her brain injury but when he looked down her throat he saw her MASSIVE tonsils.  Apparently, they're beyond kissing tonsils- they're actually laying on top of each other.  Ooooohhhh.  He said this is definitely a relief because this is a no-brainer that this is her trouble and they need to come out.  He said he feared she was having a central sleep apnea (same fear as mine) which is harder to treat but the tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy should solve her issues.  I hope so, too.  I know she's not having a very good quality of sleep.  I am realistic but I do hope that once her sleep issues are resolved that she'll be able to cope with her emotional roller coaster and her anger can be better controlled.  We all know how poor sleep can make a bear of us!  She's going to have surgery April 2nd.  I'll take the rest of the week off!  She'll stay in for 24 hours due to her various needs but I think it will go quite well.  The trick will keep her hydrated.

Yesterday was the last day of winter ballet practice.  We've had so much fun.  The ballet is adapted for the kids' needs and the core of this program is to develop poise, develop gross motor skills, and friendships.  Okay.  I added the last part. LOL.  We've had such a blast and everybody is full of life and joy.  Heehee, even the moms were involved.  We even wore tutus.  BAM! Here are some highlights from our last day.  I wanted to include everybody in the pictures but I want to be mindful of their privacy and since I don't have permission to post/share their photos, I am keeping their images limited.  What great memories we had and I can't wait for the spring session.  We were going to do the Spring Fling show but with Emma's upcoming surgery, we'd rather wait and just do the spring session.  This fall's show is Peter Pan! CAN'T WAIT!

Oh and I bought a new lens: Canon EF 35 mm f/2.  I have a lot to get used to on how to get the most out of this lens but so far? ADORE IT!!!!

 Doing the hokey pokey with Miss Caroline
 This young lady is wonderful. Her parents have done such a GREAT job with her.  She helps with the special needs kids and will eventually teach ballet some day.  Emma calls her "Big Sister"
 Emma and Miss Caroline doing the HOKEY POKEY!
 The class doing JUMPS!
How amazing are these ballet feet? Love love love.

Ha! You know you're jealous of my TUTU! 

Very hands on! 

Good picture!  
I have to say, I've searched for the best words to explain what the Nutcracker did for me as a mother. It's easy to say what it's done for Emma but what it's done for me, there are no words but I found this video on the ballet's academy's website. I have gotten to know three of the moms in this clip over the last few weeks and I enjoy our Saturdays so much!  Judy is so awesome and we are BAAM! Ballet Academy of Arizona Moms! However, Kathy and Suzy's statement that this has made them better parents resonates with me, too. I told Caroline previously that THIS has awoken something inside of me that I needed. I want to be more involved, I'd started to give up at one point and well, they're right.. I think the parents get even more out of this than our kids! LOL Don't get me wrong, our kids get so much out of ballet but we get something extra. We get I think that Caroline deserves so much credit for what she has done with her academy. On a side note, these aren't the BEST pictures from the set BUT I see my photography is IMPROVING! YAY!
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