Depression, You're A Nasty Wench

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This week I have been in a bit of a funk.  Literally, my mood has teetered between anger and apathy- literally not feeling anything at all.  Not sadness.  Not happiness.  Just angry or nothing at all.  It's worse when I get to work.

I don't hate my job.  Not at all.  I have a fairly heavy workload but I can handle it.  I read an article the boss not the workload/job itself is the source of workplace depression.  I actually like my boss.  As a person only.  I am frustrated with her as a supervisor, though.  She's very inconsistent and will tell you to do one thing but then you get "talked" to over doing the thing she told you to do by asking you why you are doing that.  Um.  You told me to.  When I went into this position, I literally had ZERO experience and I was transparent about that when I transferred into it so I had a lot of learning to do and I found that I had to teach myself.  Again, she's not a bad boss nor is she micromanaging/rude/condescending/etc., just inconsistent.

Sorry.  I didn't mean to rant about my job.  I really do like the work that I do and I like the company but since I do suffer from major depression, it's been rearing it's ugly head this past week and it's come down very heavily and that means- I have been inconsistent with my posting and visiting.  I feel like I have nothing to say on my blog or on yours.  I am a Debbie-Downer right now.  I have to fight against the tidal wive of depression extremely hard.  It doesn't help that I am extremely introverted and right now, people are exhausting.  I don't think it helps that this last weekend we (my sister, Emma and I) went all over Phoenix shopping and it was crazy packed.  I think the over-stimulation of the throngs of people caused me to really shut down plus I was sick last week.  Nasty recipe, if you ask me.

What's really terrible? Poor Emma is such an extrovert and she's stuck with an introverted mom.  Ha.  I try.  I try.  I try to get her out and about to stimulate her socially and her personality is so large, bubbly and strong- she needs people.  Most times.

On a side note, I ordered a K-Cup brewer along with some Gloria Jean's coffee k-cups and a bread machine.  I have been wanting these for so long.  Woot.  Also, I preordered Beck's new album.

I will "see" you on Monday!

 Ha ha.  I realized this reads like a diary excerpt.

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