Insane Ramblings and Confessions of a Hoarder.

I have been very obsessed with jasmine scents lately. It doesn't help that I just finished reading Jitterbug Perfume (brilliant! Bloody Brilliant!). Did I tell you that I tend to, um...., become obsessive and have some hoarding tendencies? Well, one day Bath and Body Works had one of their major sales and what did I do? Bought a BUTT TON of body washes, lotions and sprays. Oh and shampoo and conditioner. I bought a ton. A TON. You figure it out that I bought a ton? Ha. I bought plain, old fashioned jasmine and a gardenia (of course, many other amazing scents) and I really like them. Very uncomplicated. I love them. Speaking of hoarding- I fear I am turning into my grandmother who is a serious hoarder. Oh who am I kidding? I AM turning into her and I am trying so hard to STOP IT! Ha. But... but... but I love my books and goodies. I caress my goodies. Do you hoard? Come on... admit it. What do you hoard? I tend to hoard books, movies, makeup, body washes, shoes, purses... um, lots of stuff.

 I have PTSD. People look at me weird when I tell them that because I have never been in the military or a first responder. From the National Institutes of Mental Health:
PTSD develops after a terrifying ordeal that involved physical harm or the threat of physical harm. The person who develops PTSD may have been the one who was harmed, the harm may have happened to a loved one, or the person may have witnessed a harmful event that happened to loved ones or strangers
I have been abused but... it was seeing Emma after being abused and nearly dying. That was my trigger. My reaction and post injury behavior wasn't "typical". I was in shock. I was failed. I, even though I am quite a bit better, feel that the system let us down. I was very... apathetic to everything. I was barely there mentally and emotionally. Lights were on but nobody was home. Emma was receiving great care but they didn't look at me and see that I needed mental health services to take care of her. I think that they should provide immediate mental health service to families who have a child with special needs (they are at high risk for abuse/be abusers/neglect/etc. due to the stress) as part of the services with the child. Even more so when it's caused by a traumatic event. My two cents. Maybe I can start something and get something going.

 Speaking of PTSD, my brother was injured in Iraq in 2003. He has been dealing with not only the physical injuries but the PTSD he has been battling. He is a brilliant guy but the man who returned isn't the same man who left. The mental illness caused by serving in the war has put a weight on his shoulders that was a lot for him to bear, the loss of working, he tried to go back to college to change careers with support from the VA and he tried to return to work and unfortunately, he relapsed. Severely. He finally has some relief. Since his injury, he's been living in severe poverty. He FINALLY got approved for VA disability. He lost his vehicle, income, everything and dealing with this and being a single 30-something year old man is crushing and he came by with his new car and his face was so lit up with happiness. It was great to see.

 Earlier this year, my sister, brother and I said it would be our year. My sister has been battling her homeowners insurance for nearly TWO years to get her house fixed. She hasn't been in her house during this time and FINALLY the repairs have started. It's been a long stressful time and I am soooo glad that she is finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. She needs to be back in HER home. I am so excited for her to get back in there.

 Oh and I love 70s shows. Enjoy!


  1. I am so sorry to hear all of these things that are happening to you and your family. I really hope things will get better for you.

    1. Thank you, Ginger. You know, it comes in waves. It sucks but things can and always will get better. Just hate these times! Boo!


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