Once again, reminiscing

(6 months old, before injury)

Looks like you have to click on the photos if you want to see them, they are too big for the blog :(
I am. See, I never wanted kids. So when I found out I was pregnant with Emma (despite all the precautions I took), I had planned to give her up for adoption. I was spoiled rotten, I was flighty, irresponsible, not the most patient and loved kids, but for a little while (liked to send them home after I spoiled them). However, when I had her, I fell in love with her and made her a promise. If I felt I couldn't handle her at any moment and couldn't find it in myself to give her what she needed, then I would go back to the adoption agency and give her what I physically and emotionally can't. Obviously, we know what happened :) I have to say, I am proud of myself. I fell head over heels in love with this little girl and am impressed with the direction my life went since I had her.

I am just reminiscing about what she has gone through over the last 5 years and am in jaw dropping awe and the resiliency she has endured. At 11 months of age, she suffered a brutal act of child abuse, Shaken Baby Syndrome with Impact, and had part of her skull and brain removed to save her life. She had to undergo several procedures. She suffered serious brain damage and a stroke and nobody knew if she would ever be anything more then a vegetable. She ended up spending a total of 4 weeks in Pediatric Intensive Care and another 4 weeks in neurological rehab, spending most of her days in therapy. She had to have a feeding tube, wear a helmet, leg and arm braces. She had to learn to sit up, eat, use her arms, hands and legs again. Even smiling. She had to learn to smile again. I lived with her in the hospital. Read to her while she was in a coma. Read to her while she was so exhausted from therapy. I like to think that reading to her is part of what saved her :)
3 days after injury and surgery

(about 15 days after injury)

I had a hard time accepting what happened to her, I went through a huge state of denial believing the person's story that it was an accident. See, believing it was an accident made it easier to deal with my child. I didn't want to think that somebody really picked up my child, shook her and slammed. However, the truth came around. And the anger and sadness helped me heal which in turn helped Emma.
(7 months old, before injury)

Now, that the person has been convicted of Child Abuse and Emma had her skull finally repaired, on July 16th of this year, we have closure. Literally and figuratively. Emma each and every day has shocked me. She is such a smart, loving, incredible, albeit FEISTY child.


  1. I certainly hope whomever did this horrible thing to your beautiful daughter is in jail.

    You are a very brave woman.

    I am special needs mom as well. My son was born with a rare disorder. He is my everything.

    I wanted to let you know that the healthcare bill house version actually contains the word retarded. This cannot be allowed to stand. That word cannot be written into our laws. If your like me, you have other special needs mom friends. We need to stand together to get that word out of the bill. I will admit I am against the legislation as a whole, but that is besides the point. This is about our children who can't defend themselves.

  2. you are an amazing woman who has truly inspired me.. I AM HONORED TO BE A FOLLOWER OF YOUR BLOG.. Bless you and your sweet princess.. Natalee http://totmama.blogspot.com/

  3. Your strength continues to astound and inspire me. About every 8 months to a year we look back at our past... it certainly helps us appreciate exactly just how far we've come when we think we've not seen any progress in awhile.

    From one special needs mom to another - I love and am with you always.

    Kodi (Vogel) Wilson

  4. Your strength continues to astound and inspire me. It's good to look back, we get glimpses and reminders of just how far we've come!!

    From one special needs mom to another - I love you and am with you always!

    Kodi (Vogel) WIlson

  5. You continue to astound and inspire me with your strength.

    I know we always appreciate just how far we've come once we remind ourselves of where we used to be. Always a good reminder when we feel like we are stalling or not making any progress.

    You are always in my heart and prayers - from one special needs mom to another I love you!


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